Text Message from Mike Darkin
They have just gone through Cumnock and now have 30 miles to do till the ferry at ardrosson. It is raining again!

Text Message from Lynne
Got to Ardrossen about an hour ago and had a fill at asda. Just about to have a free ferry ride to arran! Hope to push on the other side if we can get off arran. Weather has been really bad again and have a wet and cold bottom.

Text Message from Mike Darkin
Further to Lynne’s last text the ferry fare was donated to us by Mr Robbie Brown the regional manager of Caledonian MacBrayne…the ferry company. Huge thank you to him.

Text Message from Geordie
Have arrived at ferry terminal...Kind Cal Mac ferries have donated tickets for all of us to get over... So all being well we should be on the mainland this evening... really good day weather not....Love and hugs x

1922 hrs - Text Message from Lynne
Shit. Came off the ferry from Arran and clutch gone on car. Sat on slipway being lapped by waves and tide coming in on us. Emptied car and waiting for RAC! And it was all going so well. Just wait for the pictures. xx Oh...and shit again!

2153 hrs - Text Message from Mike Darkin
No wireless tonight sorry. Will get it to you for lunchtime tomorrow.
[referring to BLOG]

BLOG

WHAT A DAY!

Another restless night…what with the family of skeletons that Mike had brought with him (see day 1) and Geordie's propensity to laugh, and talk in his sleep…oh…and now he has started dancing too!  As I was preparing to commence my nocturnal arias Geordie broke out into what I can only imagine was some type of tribal sun dance in a vein effort to drive away the impending storm.  Lynne was quick off the mark as usual and once again commenced negotiations with Geordie to cease and desist.  This time it was “LIE STILL”….Thump!  God knows what the thump was but Geordie remained motionless for the next 3 hours.  Thankfully we did not witness one of Thornhills 52 call outs a year in the night.  Had this had occurred then I reckon we would have had about 3 minutes to wake up and prepare ourselves for the onslaught of Firemen running in to don their sports kit (sorry I meant safety kit).  All in all I have to say that our stop was in a most welcome location.  The facilities were just what we needed and it saved a huge amount of driving and cycling to start the day.  Well done to Mr Subtle for his efforts in acquiring the key!  And thank you to Callum for showing us around!

This morning started with a race to the toilet/shower.  Geordie pipping Mike at the post…to be honest I let him go first…safer than having him follow me in.  As I stood trying to recall why I had volunteered to take 9 days off to follow two mad friends around the UK whilst enjoying minimal comforts and sleep the silence was broken.  A voice echoing out from the next cubicle… “Bless me father for I have sinned…ooh…I’ve sinned again…” I’ll give you this much.  There is not another man on earth that has the spirit and motivation of Geordie.  He will always bring a smile to your face anytime of the day!  Good old boy!

A communal breakfast was then enjoyed by all during which the theme of the day emerged! 

Our cast for today:
Leia = Lynne
Luke = Geordie
OB 1 = Glenn
Anakin = Mike
Millennium Falcon = The Galaxy (far…far away!)

Guest Appearances:
Lando Calrissian = Robert Wills
Jabba the Hut = Group Commander Alan ???
Master Yoda = Robbie Brown

How I’ll never know but Lynne and Geordie were magically transformed into two budding Jedi Knights.  Well more specifically we had Leia and Luke.  Glenn being cast the tutor OB1 and Mike as his young apprentice Anakin.  Our first goal of the day after clearing the nights mess and returning base camp to a tidy state was to polish and oil the X wings and prepare our young pilots for their journey to the rebel base in the Ayreshire system (Tarbot).  The route was set but Luke insisted on making a slight detour to Degaba system (Emergency One - the home of Trumpton, in Cumnock!) for morning refreshments and perhaps to obtain an upgrade to the Falcon for our journey back home.  Once we waved them goodbye OB1 loaded and fueled the Falcon for the day’s trip with one swift wave of his palm whilst Anakin made some final adjustments to the hyper drive for the route around to Tarbot.  Then we were off…to scope out “Emergency One” for the arrival of our weary travellers.  Not too many moans as they set off today…just smiles as they were so far up on the schedule they could ease off a little…or so we thought.  Anakin had to engage the hyper drive just to catch them up…at this rate they would be at rebel base by noon!

So the route to Emergency One was rather uneventful.  Luke and Lea arrived just a little behind schedule (Oh come on…give them a chance to warm up!) and we were all greeted by Lando who had prepared a veritable feast of sandwiches, biscuits and tea.  This was a welcome rest for our travellers as they had pushed through a few rather large hills to get here.  After refuelling we all had a quick tour of the facility and were surprised to see the entire Rebel Fleet in for refit.  Lando kindly upgraded the Falcon's deflector shields as he had heard that there were weather fronts moving in (yes there is weather in space!)

We hooked the X wings onto our tractor beam and took them back to where they had detoured into Emergency One and set them off again for their second port of the day, which in actual fact should have been their last port of the day when they planned the journey, there afternoon tea stop two days ago and now had merely become a lunch stop due to the time they had made up!  OB1 and I then tested the hyper drive and leapt forward to Androssan!  Upon arrival we popped into the local “space bar” (otherwise known as Androssan Fire and Rescue Service HQ) and sought out the landlord…Jabba the Hut.  A man with many…many contacts!  Once again we received a very warm welcome and OB1 set about his task for the day of altering our intended home for the night.  After explaining just how well our cyclists were doing he calmly waved his hand in front of Jabba’s welcoming brow and whispered those words…”you don’t want to put us up here, You want to sort us out alternative accommodation at Tarbert or Arran”  As if by Magic Jabba retorted… “You do not need to drive all the way back here, I’ll get you some numbers and sort you out accommodation on Arron or Tarbert”.  Well all joking aside folks it has been quite humbling witnessing the amount of good will and help that exists within the Fire Service.  Every where we have been…nothing has been too much trouble and all have been so willing to help out.  Group Commander Alan Williams was no exception!

Now as the young apprentice I felt privileged to be in the presence of my master with his Jedi powers developing by the minute.  Off we went to the car to make some calls.  OB1 took the handset and dialed.  After a few redirections and “I’m sorry Group Commander Rae is not in this afternoon” OB1 called upon the force again and acquired the mobile telephone number to the Station Commander at Tarbert, Donald Blair.  Now folks this was a phone call that you really needed to be within earshot to truly appreciate.  Try to imagine if you will.  Station Commander Donald was in fact on his holidays (at home in Tarbert) and his “bat phone” goes.  A number that only ever rings when there is need for 6 of Strathclyde’s finest to deploy in all their splendour.  “Station Commander Blair Speaking…” was the reply…and then OB1 set about his task.  “hello, the names Cooper…Glenn Cooper.  I am part of a charity cycle ride…etc…etc…etc…etc…etc…etc” and it was at this point Donald politely interjects with “What’s your point Caller” (must be imagined in a broad Scottish accent).  Taken slightly off guard, OB1 stumbled a little and asked the question… “Can we stay at Tarbert Tonight?”  Donald enquired, “At the fire station?”  Ob1 says “yes”.  Donald’s response…”YES!”  And that more or less ended the call.  Well apart from a little slip of the tongue (which was completely accidental) but Donald had enquired “on who’s authority laddy” to which Glenn, in all the confusion, accidentally dropped the wrong name “Group Commander John Rae”.  Donald was more than happy with this…”Aye, if its alright with John, it’s alright with me”.  Glenn puts the phone down to see me looking at him in a quizzical manner as we both tried to make sense of the last call?  Glenn asks…”what?”  I then slide gently into his thought processes the immortal words, “who the hell is John Rae” as we had neither met nor spoken with him yet.  We had actually spoken with Group Commander Alan Williams (Jabba) who had said, “Call John Rae, he is the commander for that area, I am sure he’ll be ok with it but it is his call”.  Glenn then suddenly realised…not only had we disturbed Donald’s holiday but we had potentially left him with the thought that his boss had permitted our intrusion to the quaint village of Tarbert.  Admittedly this small factor did cause us some stress as we really did not want anyone thinking we were pulling the wool etc.  It was a genuine mistake that we would have to sort out later.  Once we plucked up the courage to call Donald back!

Next on the list was to try and get ferry tickets for the trip to Arran.  The plan being that Luke and Leia go over on the ferry and that we take the Falcon round the 121 mile trip (3 hours…apparently) to meet them the other side.  We were not too keen on the idea for a huge amount of reasons…top of that list being that the ferry was on amber alert on the other side of the island, meaning that Lynne and Geordie could get stranded without any logistical support on the Isle of Arran!!  So OB1 set about his work with a very pleasant ticket sales operator.  Clearly weary from the weeks efforts the force was dwindling and he was failing to achieve much more than a £5 reduction in the fare of £80 to get us all over and off the island.  It was then that we became aware of a slight and unassuming figure out of the corner of our eyes gliding slowly up to the counter.  Was it true?  Could this really be the master, who OB1 had told me about over many evenings round the camp fire?  Clearly the force was strong in this one.  I knew I must be in the presence of a master although his name was never spoken!  Dressed smartly in a blue three piece suit, perfectly groomed and clasping a weathered umbrella as a support he merely looked at our pretty sales operative and with one pass of his weary brolly he muttered the words “I’ll take care of this”.  She bowed in submission to her master’s wish and in an instant 4 complimentary tickets appeared in OB1’s hands courtesy of Caledonian MacBrayne’s Regional manager Robbie Brown (AKA Master Yoda).  Is there no stopping the Scottish generosity and helpfulness?  We certainly never expected anything like that and it has to be said we had been blessed with the timing of a carefully crafted Swiss watch as Master Yoda only ever pops into the terminal building at Ardrossan once in a millennia to check on his young apprentices.  I have to say though…what a gentleman.  Very unassuming and modest and as soon as he heard the cause we were collecting for he did not hesitate to offer us passage!

So armed with our tickets all that was left for us to do was to sit and await the arrival of Lynne and Geordie.  They had promised us that they would be at the port in good time for the 3.15 ferry…so we trusted their judgement and sat back to enjoy a cappuccino and slice of cake in a nearby supermarket chain that were not constrained by Health and Safety legislation and of course permitted us unrestricted access to their toilet facilities.  Facilities that they were most proud of as the 2723 stickers declaring “Loo of the year - 2008” were quite clearly pointing this out!  In case you were wondering the supermarket chain this time was ASDA!  Go ASDA go!

At 2.20ish OB1 was getting a little concerned that our X wing pilots may have been distracted along the route and would not make the 3.15 ferry.  That would have been a problem as the next ferry was not due to leave till March!  (well maybe a little sooner but they are not hourly you know).  We set off back along the trail and as we exited the car park to begin our trip along the A78 there they were!  Where do they get this speed from?  Seriously they are speeding up as the week goes on?  Top work again by the team and a deserved 2 hour rest lay ahead of them whilst we got across to Arran.  Time for a coffee and a sleep!  Well that was Lynne’s answer to the crossing.  Geordie disappeared with Seb (poor bear!) and I began the blog with the able assistance of OB1.

The ferry docked as planned and we set Lynne and Geordie off on their 15 mile trek around the island.  This time they were truly on a timescale though.  There was only one ferry off the island…at 6.25.  They had just over an hour and a half to get to the port.  And there was a “hill” between the drop off and the next ferry!  Not just any old hill.  This was Scafell pikes bigger cousin! Standing at 945 metres with one road through it!  It went up…and up…and up….quite pleasant from the comfort of the Falcon but it must have hurt…really it was huge.  But what goes up….must come down.  And down it did come.  We dare not select 3rd gear it was that steep.  Without pedalling the team got to the bottom in about 4 milliseconds!  The only thing that stopped us was the Arran Distillery which was carefully situated at the bottom of the vertical drop!  So atfer a fwe monemts indsie the ditsialry we rteunred to the bdugie and set off to fnid Slin and Gordon.

Six hours and several coffees later we found them huddled in a hypothermic state at the base of the Lochranza ferry ports sign post (you have to look at the picture here…the post was the terminal building!) demanding to know where we had been!  Lochranza had a few nice sites for us to view…some deer, a castle, a war memorial and a folically challenged Jedi knight who was perched gingerly on the edge of a nearby park bench exhaling into a hollowed out cylindrical pipe in the hope of calling the ferryman across from the mainland!  What is that small dot we can see in the distance?  “that’s nae dot laddy, that’s ye ferry” declares the nearby grazing deer!  Well we are sure it was the deer!

As if by magic the sounds of highland ditties lured the dot ever nearer until what I can only describe as the tender to the Studland ferry broke through the 17metre swell and negotiated itself onto.

Andy, the ships mate, beckoned us on through the crowd of well wishers all holding candles and marking us with signs of the cross whilst flicking copious amounts of blessed water onto the Falcon.  That together with the fact that we were the only passengers to board should have given us a clue.  As we drove onto the ferry a tall hooded man carrying his singular oar tapped on the window.  With trepid anxiety we notched it down far enough to pass our tickets out into his outstretched skeletal hand before he drifted off to the rear of the craft and began to skull us across.  Now you have to know that this is a flat bottomed boat, with no propellers at all, just our mysterious ferry man and his singular paddle.  It was he and he alone that would guide us safely across the mile of treacherous sea between Arran and the mainland.  A stretch of sea that had claimed many submariners lives during the war!  As we left port we heard the faint sound of amazing grace echoing from the hillside by a lone bagpiper.  Ahead of us…white water!

We quickly negotiated our way through the busy ship to the bridge where we met up with Ahab and his crew.  A quick glance around the bridge strengthened our belief that we had perhaps made a vital error by ignoring the kind village folk of Lochranza!  Rubber bands!  Rubber bands were left in charge of the ships propulsion and it was now that Ahab told us that the Kilbrannon Sound (the stretch of water we were in, was host to 117 tidal drifts, 4 ledges and 100 metres of water between us and the bottom!  Water crashing over the bow (well I am not entirely sure if you can call it a bow as it was the same as the stern…flat!)  we pushed on towards the mainland.  About now Ahab declared that we may not get into port and may have to return to Arran…but “he’d take a look”.

As we neared the port, and again I use this term very loosely, it was more akin to a few breeze blocks randomly scattered on the steepest mound of sand projecting from the only accessible piece of land on the horizon…but it was a port to them, we began to return to the Falcon.  As I passed “Andy” the ships mate he muttered under his breath what was without any doubt the quote of the day…however we did not know this…at least not right then!  “I wood nae land in tha…but yooooo’ll be aaaalreet”

All safely back aboard the Falcon we sat and waited the off from “Andy” who was now stood near the front of the ferry clutching a lifebuoy?!  As the large metal ramp lowered towards the collection of blocks we were all admiring Ahab’s skill in being able to stable the ship in what we could only describe as a force 6 gale with an accompanying sea state that was rougher than anything Spielberg could recreate with the best CGI team on the planet.  Suddenly we got the thumbs up from Andy.  In fairness to him the front of the ramp was on dry land…just about!  I edged forward and finally with a huge sigh of relief and a cry of elation the front wheels were back on terra firma.  Before I had a chance to move forward any more Ahab was off reversing the boat and returning to the Kilbrannon Sound in search of Nessy.  Next came a clunk and a click…no not the seat belts being diligently secured for the forthcoming journey but a little more mechanical than that.  What followed was a scream of our engine and a sudden realisation that Ahab had in fact taken our drive shaft with him as he retreated from the slipway.  Perhaps we should have paid the ferryman after all!

Now there we were left on the edge of the slip way…really we were on the edge…water lapping around the rear wheels of the car.  Glenn in the brace position, Geordie giggling…as usual, Lynne wondering what would hurt more…getting out to safety or remaining in the car as it sank to the 100 metre depths and Mike wondering what to save first…the laptop or the cream liquors?  Lynne pipes up “that’ll be an accident then” followed by the call from the crew for all passengers to carefully alight the aircraft from the nearest available exit.  On this occasion not being behind you as this would have led to a certain swim!  We all leapt out to see Ahab and his men waving politely at us thinking we had alighted the vehicle in order to wish them a fond farewell.  It was cold…wet and getting a lot wetter and Glenn thought there is only one thing we can do.  Can you guess what it was?  Oh yes…ring Donald!  Having learnt from his previous encounter with Donald, Glenn got straight to the point “send help quick…we’re sinking!”  Donald on the other hand had seemingly taken a crash course in procrastination and at this point and wanted to know how our trip had been and whether Ahab had given us the tour?  Glenn asserted again “send help…the car is sinking” and Donald began to realise that we were not firmly on the slipway but in real peril of moving towards a charity walk! 

Humour aside we now really began to see the strength of Scottish comradeship and good will.  Donald rang Duncan who paged Hamish, who set ??? cousin free to alert Connor and so on and so forth.  Little did we know at this time but Ahab had also realised we were not the polite well wishers he had first thought and that we were in fact in danger of becoming a way marker on his newly fitted electronic sea charts and he had also called his pal William to seek assistance.  Meanwhile Mike rang the RAC.  Now they were very helpful and knowing quite how close the car was to the waters edge the made our case a “priority”.  The operator kindly advised me that it could be up to 1.5 hours before a patrol got to us.  1.5 hours?  We can get into space in just over 3 minutes but not to Claonaig?  Oh no…that takes a little longer!  Whilst I was figuring out how to explain to transport back home that their pride of place Galaxy was about to become a diving attraction in the Kilbrannon Sound the rest of the team was rescuing the contents of the Falcon.  “Should we take the mirror or the water?  No time to argue we’ll take the rum instead” 

Well within minutes the entire population of Kintyre (5…I think Duncan’s aunt was visiting) arrived on scene and the Falcon was towed to safety by a man that we do not know and may never see again.  But to whomever you are thank you! 

Oh, in case you are wondering Geordie was already feasting out on the mishap and all the jokes you can imagine began to regurgitate from his mouth.  We could take no more so Glenn and I sent them off on their bikes to Tarbert so as to keep them on track.  About 15 minutes later Neil arrived…Neil was the recovery driver from the RAC who had somehow managed to make the 1 hour trip form LLochgilphead (this is better than Wales!) in 22 minutes?  Well not quite but my word he was fast and before Glenn could finish his life story the Falcon was on the back of the truck and we were on route to Tarbert fire station.  We arrived at about the same time Lynne and Geordie did and were met by Donald and John.  They helped us settle in to the fire station and left us alone to rest and recover from our ordeal.

Now before I close for the night I think it only fair that you all know just how good the support of the combined Police and Fire Service’s is together with the community spirit which quite frankly is in abundance up here!  Whilst all this was going on Len Vickery from Dorset had contacted Mervyn Adams from transport who and between them they sorted out a replacement hire vehicle for the morning.  Donald and John (Fire) had used many of their contacts to make us welcome and ensure we were able to have a restful night.  Ahab and his crew had called help in for us who did arrive and even the local Indian takeaway proprietor was welcoming and offered us extra goodies. 

Like a scene from planes, trains and automobiles we sat in the warmth of Tarbert Community Fire Station thinking… “we can laugh about this now”….or can we?

2345 hours and off to bed!

Today’s stat’s:
Top cycling speed = 38.4 miles per hour
Average Speed = 13
Miles cycled today= 86
Total miles cycled = 384.4
Traffic law infringements = 1
Eddies Spotted = 3 (Beth, heather Louise and one other)
Near death experiences = 2

Quote of the day:
“I wouldn’t land in that…but you’ll be alright” (Part time skipper of the ferry!)

Word of the Day